My Mistakes being a mom, and I am thankful I did.

This blog is about my journey as a mother (and a special needs mother). The mistakes that I made being a mother. What made me make those mistakes, and why I am thankful that I made them. 

“I am not a good mother. I did something wrong”. Does this thought come to your mind? Don’t worry. You are not alone. It came to mine many times.

From our childhood, we are meant to make mistakes. Mess up the dining table, write wrong spellings, take wrong roads and sometimes find a wrong partner. But we are pretty okay with that. We realize our mistakes and correct them. 

But when we become mothers, we are scared to make mistakes. We are scared to take any decision casually, even if it is a small one. We think more, research more, ask more, and rethink to ensure we are not making a mistake. 

Why have we changed when we are tagged as a mother? Is this the soft emotions of our child that is concerning us the most? The responsibility that we feel for our child, or is the societal pressure to be a perfect mother? 

A mother is not a creation, it’s a discovery. 

When I discovered my motherhood – I made quite a lot of mistakes. And I am thankful that I did.  

I became a mother twice. First, when Nishka was born. And second, when she was diagnosed as a child with special needs. And I became a special needs mom. In both times, there was a common thing. That I didn’t know anything about it. 

I learned a few things about the Importance of making mistakes:

1. We make mistakes when we don’t know anything. 

In the process of rectifying the mistakes or trying not to make a mistake, you learn

Nishka’s genetic disorder ‘Hereditary spastic paraplegia’ was new to me. I hadn’t seen anyone or read anything about it then. I wanted to make sure that we don’t waste the crucial early years of her life. But I made her do many things that I wasn’t aware of. Ineffective therapies, unnecessary medicines, and not giving her enough time to play but to keep doing therapies. 

In the process, I learned, that her childhood is missing many things. The best memory of my life in my childhood. I made her do physical activities that playfully train her. We created an adaptive bike and she enjoyed riding it. It turned out as an inspiration to many other special needs parents and children. 

2. Mistakes made me choose wisely 

I am a free individual and I don’t have to follow someone blindly with their typical advice. 

At times I wouldn’t listen to my mother’s advice because my mom is not a mom of a special needs child, rather I am. Just because she is my mom doesn’t make her perfect to know everything. Instead, I follow the forum of mothers who deal with it and can guide me better. 

3. Mistakes made me more confident 

Making mistakes, again and again, helped me to deal with whatever comes to me. I may not know the answers but I know the path. 

What do I tell my 7-year-old child?

 I keep telling Nishka that like you, I do not know all the answers. Don’t expect your mother to know it too. We both are equal, and learning together. I may know something and you may be knowing something else. And we can always share our learning. 

She now tries to self-learn more, rather than asking me everything. She is excited to tell me more about what she has learned. 

Now she has changed the habit of constantly asking me everything, she takes a moment and realizes that she already has the answer. 

She has become more calculative and tries to find solutions herself. 

She doesn’t get frustrated easily if something is not resolved that she was trying. But at times if she does get annoyed, I tell her “I get upset too. But does this solve my purpose? No. So I invest my energies in finding the solutions” 

I know growing up with physical disabilities is frustrating. A simple task like picking up a toy under the table is a hardship for her. But it also makes our brain stronger. It looks for alternatives. It makes us think that no one else has probably thought of it.

Nishka understood this quite well. And now she has found solutions to many things on her own. She doesn’t fail to surprise me. Like I don’t fail to inspire her. Together we make mistakes and we laugh at them. 

From a lazy lad to an energetic mother. I transformed because I didn’t give up. Giving up was neither my choice nor my personality. Motherhood is like the movie ‘Cast away’. You are pushed into an ocean, and you have to learn to live in whatever form you can. The fears gradually turn into enjoyment. The sleepless nights turn into memories of life. We are evolved. We now have a new body and a new soul.

There is no word like a ‘Best Mother’. This looks good only on mugs and t-shirts. 

It’s Ok if you are scared. It’s Ok if you make mistake. It’s Ok if you cut time on your child and pamper yourself. We are mothers and we are bound to make mistakes. Because motherhood is all about making mistakes. 

So let’s NOT be a ‘perfect mother’. But a mother who herself learns and teaches their child to fight, survive, inspire, grow, break, cry, fall, and re-grow.

Hope you connect with my thoughts and emotions.

Do write to me at jain.chesta@gmail.com how you feel about my story or drop a comment below. I am all excited to hear from you. It inspires me to write more and connect with your heart.

Your friend,

Chesta Jain

chesta-jain

 

Author

I am a Delhi-ite, now a Gurgaon-ite (India) for more than a decade and a half. I have worked in corporates as a Brand Manager with some well-named companies. But at the peak of my career, I left and turned into a full-time mom.

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