I am writing this article on 7th Feb 2021, it’s a rose day today. I don’t care about all this anymore, not that I want to but I know setting up an expectation for a sweet surprise like this could be useless. Some of you might have agreed with me.
A funny incident happened to me today. Mr. Husband loves gardening, got a rose plant today. I wondered how he knew it was a rose day. I was happy throughout the day and told him at night that he could have got a blooming rose planter instead of a bud one for a rose day. He asked when is the rose day?
Now whom shall I blame? Him? for not noticing today is rose day. Doesn’t he flip newspaper? Or recollected college time memories on this date?
Or should I blame myself? For setting up an expectation every year when I know he won’t bother. And then cursing myself why I am the one who can’t get a little surprise.
Well, I chose none of the above! Because I know he doesn’t like these undefined calendar events. Even if he reads a newspaper, he goes straight to the sports section and doesn’t even touch the entertainment page. So, why there is a blame game?
Accept what we have and stay content with it.
I was grown up watching SRKs movie, the ideal lover. He would sing a song for you, playing the violin, leaves blowing in the wind, chiffon dupatta flowing. And many of us are living in that dream sequence and set up an expectation of a Rajkumar. And then there comes the reality after a couple of years of marriage. And some more reality when we turn parents and SHARE responsibility.
Share? Some eyebrows are already raised. And your subconscious mind has already scanned and detected the percentage of responsibilities shared in the last one week, which is an unsatisfying score in your records.
Most of the women often tell me that my husband is so much better than theirs. Mine takes care of the child so well while theirs are just lazy and irresponsible. The grass is greener on the other side. But I tell them the grass is green at their side too, you just need to fix it properly.
I am not a guru to advise you what is the right mantra for a happy life. You can google them out and many experts with degree holders in relationships can help you out with that. Here, I can share my own experiences, and maybe that would help you to fix up your grass too.
My 5 ideas for a balanced relationship
When it comes to managing your relationships, you need to look at yourself first and see are you managing yourself or not. You are the center point of your family and all relations around it. So set yourself first!
How do you set yourself? Circle of happiness in 3 way
1. Staying happy. Staying focussed. Staying balanced.
If you are happy, you will think better. If you think better, you can focus well and plan your life better. And that will help you to stay balanced. A balanced life leads to happiness. I call it a happiness circle.
2. Setting up the right expectations
Have we ever set up an expectation from our baby, that she would speak mama first instead of papa? Or eat food without messing up. We don’t. We are just happy with whatever it comes because we don’t set expectations. So stop setting expectations. It’s tough. Very tough. But it helps. It’s like the weed which spoils the crops. And once you cut it out, you will start appreciating your relationships.
3. Define the scope of work and Shut down
At work we define our KRAs, then why not at home. Defining the key responsibilities area helps to manage your day better. Many of you must be doing it well already. So what is new about it. The new part that I want to introduce is, using your time wisely. Using your time on you, and not again in ticking the other tasks at a robotic speed.
It’s good to slow down at times. When you see the right space, use that space for yourself. Shut down totally and stop thinking. Believe me, cleaning up the toy room is not crucial than taking a nap for yourself. It will reboot you and you will be able to work even more efficiently. And happily.
4. Making feel special
As today is the rose day, and while many people are making each other feel special. And now that we have learned we should try not to set expectations. Why should we then wait for someone to make us feel special? Click a few buttons, and order a rose for yourself. I often pick up roses for myself from street vendors and they smell so amazing that it doesn’t bother to how I got them.
At last, I would like to say,
5. Together is the family
Never forget the essence. You are in this relation by choice so always respect it. Even if you are not perfect, try to be good together. And this one is not at all difficult. Mark a calendar when it’s my day, his day, and family day. Even if it is few hours, follow it by heart and stay by it. A happy family together stays forever.
Were you able to relate yourself? Please comment on how you felt about this article?
Your Friend, Chesta Jain